You’re putting them in a terrible position by doing this. The person may feel obligated to take one of your sides or act as an intermediary between you and your former partner. You should avoid bringing up previous occurrences while you are talking to your buddy or your ex-partner in order to reinforce a bad picture of their current relationship.
When you are talking to your friend or your ex, don’t bring up past events to support a negative view of their new relationship together. If you feel hurt, betrayed, or angry with your friend. It’s a good opportunity to be truthful and tell them exactly how this new relationship is making you feel. You may feel that your Smooch friend has gone behind your back in some way, or that your ex is trying some kind of devious tactic to get back at you. Either way, it’s bound to make you feel unhappy and lose trust in those around you. Especially if you still harbor feelings for your ex or still love them and you have made this clear to your friend.
Do Guys Like When Girls Text First? (9 Reasons Guys Like It)
What they are doing is really uncool and unacceptable. Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching. Kushnick says that talking about it with your friend is really the way to go before resentment builds up. «Sharing your thoughts is important if your friend doesn’t approach you soon after the hookup,» he tells Elite Daily. Simply put, this is a complicated situation to navigate, and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to handle it. I spoke with New York City relationship specialist Gregory Kushnick, and Doctor of Psychology and licensed clinical social worker Danielle Forshee about what to do if your friend hooks up with your ex.
That said, when we ended our romantic entanglement, we agreed that the friendship that had initially kick-started our relationship was worth saving. Which is why we all but pinky-swore to remain BFFs for life – promising to still talk, still meet up and still be part of each other’s lives. Our so-called terms included telling each other when a future romantic exploit was growing into something serious. I, too, have spent many a Saturday night stalking the social media of loves from yesteryear and imagining Sliding Door-style alternate realities where things actually work out this time. At times, I’ve even attempted to reconnect as “friends”—but my ulterior motives always seem to emerge sooner or later.
Here are some suggestions to help you deal with the fact that your buddy is dating your ex-boyfriend.
You may have feelings of anger, jealousy, or maybe even feel depressed at the prospect of them both being together. It is normal that you would feel angry, upset and hurt but it would be best to let the anger go and move on. If your friend and your ex are good people you can also wish them well. But it would be best not to be in touch with them, no matter what your feelings are, and concentrate on your own friends, family and career. “My friend is dating my ex-boyfriend and I can’t even bear to look at her right now.” Rosy couldn’t shake off this feeling. She decided to cut her friend out because she felt the distance will allow her to focus on moving on.
Or he might feel really betrayed and stop speaking to either of you altogether. It’s not ideal, but you knew this was a possibility, right from the start. You took a chance for love and this is the consequence you have to accept. If you are heartbroken that your friend is dating your ex, then cry and vent out all the pent-up emotions. Give yourself the time to grieve, because this will help you deal with the emotions in an effective manner. You can share your feelings with other friends or people in the family who are close to you.
Are you feeling a rush of butterflies or a wash of sadness when you see their name appear in your texts? Does the idea of them dating someone new fill you with dread? Those are all signs that there may still be feelings there. Life is never black and white and there is no hard and fast rule that says you can never date a friend’s ex. Be thoughtful and considerate of their feelings and be as transparent as possible when discussing your desire to date that special person.
It’s because so much of our relationship remained unchanged. Navigating the shift from couple to mates was weirdly easy because the only thing we had stopped doing was anything physical – besides those lingering hugs. We still shared a Netflix account, we still messaged each other all day every day, we still spoke for hours on the phone. I had started dating other people, and true to our promise, I could only assume he may have been doing the same – but with no serious prospects. Eventually, the tension eased – we relaxed, and let our guard down. Our conversations started to flow more naturally and we started to talk about dating other people.
If you find out that your friend is dating your ex, you might feel the urge to dish the dirt on your ex or sabotage the relationship. Ask yourself whether sharing this information will accomplish anything positive. Accept that your ex may not be okay with the relationship. Though you may try your hardest to get your ex-partner to understand and accept your new relationship, it may not always be possible. Your ex-partner may be too upset by the relationship and have a hard time being okay with your new romance.
They might reappear and cause you difficulty when you discover that your best buddy is dating your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. When I found out my ex was dating my friend, I seriously felt like I was going to go insane with anger. Here was a woman who I thought was my good girlfriend. We had gotten together a few times and I had told her things–personal things about my ex and our relationship, why I was getting divorced, etc. etc. If you think your partner is still holding on to feelings they have for their ex, it can cause problems in your relationship even without you realizing it. That’s why communicating your thoughts and fears, no matter how awkward of a conversation it will be, is important.
This way the friendship you share can still remain firmly in place despite them now dating your ex. It will also help you to decide the best way to confront or address the issue with your friend. It can give you time to figure out what to say or how to put your true feelings into words to your friend.